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Submitted on
November 7, 2012
File Size
1.4 KB
Submitted with
Sta.sh
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99 (1 today)
Favourites
7 (who?)
Comments
5
Downloads
2

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
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1
bed smell aroma
artificial rain wears it off
drain dreams and cold water
i always shower cold

2
breakfast on a desk past 7
butter on it all
toast tea turquoise crunch
i eat at 7

3
run run run run run run run run run run run run trip run run run run in the cold morning
never think and run
no music
time to write

4
philosophy (not really)
plot (not strong)
description (too much)
so i write nothing and discover it's lunch time (is there a time for lunch?)

5
11:30 early bird, yellow finch
12:00 does anyone really eat at 12 anymore?
12:30 pragmatist's special, tomato soup
i eat... then... IDEA! IDEA!

6
write write write write write typo write typo typo write write write done
text from friend: let's go out
sure. i'm exhausted. i go out.
i always go out

7
for coffee, to the club, to this guys house
in the living room i look out a window and wonder if this is what wasting time feels like
like a hollow tree that might crack when a breeze passes branches that used to have leaves
we go someplace and park

1
the november night rain sticks like snow
in the parking lot i stop
and wonder
why i always take cold showers
I'm working on poetry, or no, just words. Not poetry. But I'll put this in the poetry category. Probably.
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:iconshehrozeameen:
I'm not exaggerating when I say... THIS is what free verse should have been.

The division was well needed. Gives that certain... blank verse feel to it... that there's nothing much going on, but definitely there's room for movement and thought.

It gives a certain air of normalcy to the work.... that's subtle... very very subtle...

In particular, parts 3 and 6 were my favorite. 7 had a certain understanding to it (which I can relate with) but 8 was a good conclusion.

I'll end this critique with "guess you should know best why you take cold showers". Well done.
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:iconmichaelataraxia:
MichaelAtaraxia Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Charming and engaging. Very nice work, and I understand all about those minor distractions.

Bastards keep tripping us up. *shakes fist in rage*
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:iconthreedayweekend:
threedayweekend Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012   Writer
merci
Reply
:iconmichaelataraxia:
MichaelAtaraxia Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
pas de problème
Reply
:iconcherry-17:
Cherry-17 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Student General Artist
I really like this :)Very interesting.
Reply
:iconthreedayweekend:
threedayweekend Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012   Writer
gracias
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