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Submitted on
November 10, 2012
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Earth; our theatre.
Is it showtime already?
Where are our seats?
?

Popcorn is better
anticipated than ate.
Wow, I feel fuzzed.
.

Parking lot faces,
shadows of unknown people,
they bump against me.
&

Cold November nights
hold rogue opportunity;
dancing heat, or love?
...!
This is four haiku beginning with a scene in a theatre then ending in an abstract ambiguity that so often happens.

In between each haiku is a single punctuation character which additionally is intended to reinforce the essential nature of the section of text above it. This is a sort of fourth line break, but since punctuation doesn't function the same way as characters do, I think the additional emphasis to carry the story line works.

I know some people don't choose to use punctuation in English haiku but I believes it adds, not detracts, from it. Additionally, each of these haiku can be taken individually. These haiku are not interdependent in that each contains its own story and message in and of itself. The story require all of them together but the haiku are also supposed to be self contained.

I hope you enjoy and can relate to the general feeling. This really is about feeling. :meow:
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:iconshehrozeameen:
I like this poem. Its one of those few works which suits its title. That's a rarity - particularly the use of haiku in telling the story.

I like the use of the punctuation marks in your work - it does add brevity and its significantly adding more weight to the work; I don't need a description to understand what's happening BUT the use of "&" is a puzzle for me.

The ending isn't vague - its just, like you said, a feeling; its the way we usually feel after we're alone, away from the theater. That's a certain... introspective panache which isn't captured by movie.

Well done, in any case. Its a worthwhile read.
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:iconwilhelmina-vanroyen:
I'm sorry but "wow, I feel fuzzed" just about made me snort my drink onto my computer. It feels insincere and just odd -- I think that is because of the "wow" at the beginning. Unless you were trying to convey drunkenness, it just sounds silly. Also, it is only four syllables. Fuzzed is a single syllable word unless you are pronouncing it like fuzz-edd (like Ed the name).

I've written a lot of haikus (I have a twitter that's only haikus) and I know how hard the rules are to stick to, but you haven't followed them. They are supposed to be five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables, unless there's a totally different type of haiku I've never heard of. Some of the lines are four syllables, like the last line of the first haiku. Watch your form.

That said, the concept is quite interesting and unique.
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
mhmm - it is totally about feeling since I feel the Haiku's as quite a technical treat when one realizes the way you have written, start - end - punctuation. The first Haiku and third appeal to me reasonably while the rest of the two had the 'feel' but were unable to register otherwise. Regarding punctuation in Haiku's - depends on how they are used.
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:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
popcorn is better anticipated than ate.

-- :heart:

i'm glad i found this - lovely job :)
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:iconthreedayweekend:
threedayweekend Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013   Writer
Dude I'm eating popcorn right now
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:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i'll have some please :milk:
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:iconthesaladking:
TheSaladKing Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012
Haikus have so many rules.... its crazy lol
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:iconthelanyi:
thelanyi Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This was fascinating. :)
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:iconneburgett:
neburgett Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I love that tittle.
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:iconthreedayweekend:
threedayweekend Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012   Writer
That's what it's all about man :matteo:
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